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random ramblings

1st April, 2002. 11:21 pm. Switching to school mode...

So my break is officially over now. I moved everything back and just starting to settle in, but got lazy. As I was moving the last of my stuff in, my fellow HA, Ravi, stopped by to visit as he was doing rounds. We were just catching up and towards the end, he says, "you know, maybe it's just cuz I've known you (we've been on staff together for 3 years), but you look more mature and older. You just carry that twenty-something persona. When you just came to staff, you were like that cute little HA girl (I was literally the youngest member on staff; I was 18), and now you just carry yourself like you're older". Many people who knew me prior to December 2000, end of Fall quarter of my junior year, sees how much I grew. I see it... just kinda weird how it just hit me. Those who were around at that time knew how QUICK I grew... it was in a matter of days! The first couple days was drastic growing, and then over the year was the gradual fine tuning.

I talked to William last night. For those who don't know, that's my ex. We had a really bad break up and hadn't talked for over a year until last night. I think I was just bothered because we were high school sweethearts. We were together for 5 years. And then a bad break up happens and we never talked. I think just after a year, I was bugged how we were like best friends and grew up together, and then just no contact. In the beginning, no contact was okay because it was still soon after a bad break up. But after awhile, it started to feel like there was no closure and no resolution. So it was nice to talk to him again as a friend. It was like no time lost. We talked like the good friends we once were. Sure the last year of the relationship was SUPER bad (we just didn't talk. we both had separate lives going on and didn't care to fill in the other), but the beginning was good. We were growing teens together, explored and learned a lot together. The bad times sometimes makes me lose sight of the good, so it was good to talk and get everything out there and remember the better times. Like he said towards the end, "it's been a long time since we've had a conversation without fighting"... it's so true. The last year and a half or so was just bad. But it was nice to put the bad memories behind us and just be friends again.

My parents are funny. So last night, William called my house like at 2 or so. I picked up after the first ring and had enough time to acknowledge him before my dad also answered the phone. So when my dad said "hello", he doesn't say anything cuz in a sense, it's as if we started the conversation. So I just tell my dad it's mine and I got it. He hangs up. The next morning, my mom calls me and asked who called last night. I didn't want to tell her for some reason. I just didn't know what to say and I was still sleeping, so I didn't want to explain. She asked me couple times throughout the day, but I didn't say anything. Later that night, after we picked up my car, Jonathan and I go back to my house. He was on my computer and I fell asleep next to him. My dad comes in and sees me sleep, so he lets me sleep instead of bugging me about getting back to school. When Jonathan left, I was still groggy and didn't walk him out. Apparently, my parents got worried that I didn't walk him out and thought we got into an argument. He told me that as he was leaving, they kept saying "you're leaving already? are you sure?" and when he walked out the door, they were like "oh... you're really leaving". My mom then comes into my room and ask me if everything's okay. "Did you and Jonathan get into a fight?" I kept telling her that everything's okay, but she didn't believe me. I really was just tired, but she kept saying, "I know you... you're sad. I know when you're sad. You're my daughter, I know these things." She then starts asking me about the person that called last night... "who called?" I shrug. "You're not gonna tell me huh..." I shake my head. She then goes off saying, "You said you decided on who. You decided to commit. I told you not to commit if you weren't sure, and you said you were. It's not good to talk to new guys... makes your mind wander. The beginning of any relationship is always more fun, but that doesn't mean you can just go jumping from guy to guy..." I'm just like, "what?! Where did you get all this from? Jonathan and I are completely okay. There's no new guy." Somehow the conversation got interrupted. Later in the kitchen though, she starts going off about me being sad because I talked to another guy. She starts making assumptions that I'm not happy in my relationship because it's not new, and I prolly found something new that seems more exciting. I just interrupt her and tell her it was William. Then she thinks I'm sad because I talked to William. I said I'm sad because my spring break is over... simple as that! I'm sad because I have to move back and unload all these things from my car. I'm sad because I know I'll be staying up late trying to settle in and adjust. I'm sad because I know I'll have to wake up early for class and will go all day tomrrow from 9:30 till 7. I'm sad because I know it's another quarter full of stupid Physics homework and exams. That's why I'm sad. She just responds with, "you're just lazy" and started laughing.

She was trying to talk to me about not stressing and taking better care of myself. My little cousin is in the hospital right now with bi-lateral pnemonia. I visited her last night, and she looked well, but I heard that's just cuz she's drugged up. Otherwise, she'd be super shivering and really bad chills... super hot, then super cold. But she was good when I saw her. She'll have to stay in there for a week. They're giving her like 9 bags of anti-biotics a day throw her IV.

Then, my uncle in vietnam is ill now. He was here visiting couple months ago, but he went back and got some lung problem. He has trouble breathing, and there's no doctors or medicine there. My dad gave him couple tens of thousands of dollars, so hopefully he'll be able to find help somewhere.

Then they found abnormal growths in my dad's colon. They first started with a sigmoidoscopy (sp?), where they check the lower portion of his colon, and they found some growths. After that, they did a colonoscopy on him to check his entire colon. They found several growths and removed them. He just got the news that they are benign, but they're likely to reoccur, so he's suppose to go get checked again to see if anymore grew back in six months. I read the pamplet they gave him, and I guess if they remove the growths early, then he should be okay. After time, those growths either turn cancerous, or grow so big you have to have part of your colon removed... they even showed diagrams. It was creepy, but comforting to know that my dad's was not cancerous and is getting early treatment, which should prevent cancer from forming.

Current mood: melancholy.

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