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random ramblings

1st August, 2001. 4:00 am.

Wow, it's August already. I want to say time flies because I only have a month left of summer break, yet it feels like time is going so slow when I think of life. I just want to graduate already and move out on my own and be INDEPENDENT from my PARENTS! It's been very frustrating living at home. Although my parents are very cool, and I am extremely close to my mom, they are still parents and they can't help but to be parents. Being HA for the last two years got me use to having my own place. For those who have never seen my place, I have my own living room, bedroom and bathroom. I have totally independence and am completely responsible for myself. It's annoying to now live at home and have people poking their nose in my buisness. I don't like explaining myself and I especially HATE being told what to do. My mom constantly cleans my room (her idea of cleaning is throwing everything away) and puts my stuff away (which is like hiding everything! I have a very organized mess... throws me off when she stuffs everything into drawers), in addition to nagging me to clean my room. We just had a lil tiff right now cuz she was telling me to pick up my clothes off the floor and I just had to tell her "I am grown up now and you need to stop telling me what to do. I will hang the clothes back up, but not at this moment. The clothes hasn't even been there for over 30 minutes and I'm already being nagged at." I clean my room before I go to bed so I have a clean room the next day, but my mom doesn't see me and my room until the next night, when I had a whole day to accumulate junk, then she goes to bed before I clean it.

It's just really frustrating me. She's been calling me lately to wake me up! Oh my gosh! I'm not in elementary school anymore! I get so annoyed that I refuse to answer the phone. And it's really bad that she's doing this because instead of waking me up, it makes me purposely not get out of bed. I'm not sure if it's rebellion or something deeper, but even if I'm already in the process of physically getting up and I hear her call, I immediately lay back in bed and pretend that I'm sleeping and can't hear the phone. I know, why do I bother to pretend when she can't see me. i could just easily ignore it while I'm getting ready, but there's something about her babying me and controlling me that just makes me just do the opposite. When she called yesterday, I grumpily answered the phone and when she said she just called to make sure I was up, I went off about how I'm grown up now and I don't need her to be waking me up and cleaning my room. ...And still, she called me 3 times this morning, which I didn't pick up. ...and then we have the whole cleaning my room incident tonight! AH!!! I just wanna be on my own. I need to not depend on them so I don't have to feel obligated to put up with all this. My mom and I agreed that I just need to graduate so I can move out and get married. That way, she doesn't have to worry about Jonathan and I doing "bad stuff". She is concerned that if it got out to the family that we sleep over each others place, they would think bad of us and not care when we get married. She wants us to keep clean (or clean reputation, at least) so families will be excited for our wedding and think we're a cute couple instead of "what do they bother getting married. what's the point, they're living together anyway." I understand where she's coming from, and I know the different generations think differently, but... I dunno. It's hard to balance out what you want to do and what the elders want you to do.

I can't wait to move back to UCI because I will have my own HA room again, but I am not looking forward to school work, Alpha Phi, and HA. Don't get me wrong, it's not that they're not fun or whatever... it's just that I have to take 2 upper division physics courses this year, and I am not looking forward to balancing everything. I like not being on a tight schedule with meetings and all these activites. I enjoy having nothing to do this summer. I have a lot of "me" time, which I don't get very often during the year. I look forward to the new excitement, but I'm not looking forward to the stress. I know the quarter system is suppose to be fast, but I don't think it's fast enough! I was just thinking how nice it would be if a quarter got sped up to 7 weeks instead of 10. I notice that I start to slack off around 6th week, so if we had 7 week quarters, I would only have one week of cathcing up instead of 4 when finals come around. Then, the extra 3 weeks a qtr can be used to make another quarter. That way, we get an extra quarter each year to take more classes and will hopefully have room to take some fun classes. It's currently the 6th week of ICS 21 for me, and I'm beginning to not keep up with the reading. After the midterm last week, I stopped reading before lecture. Trying to get back on track and making good habbits for the upcoming year.

So I was just talking to my friend, Ravi, a fellow HA, and he was telling me how he got a $2,950 Zanetti Italian wool suit for $295. I don't know much about suits, but I guess it was a suit that was featured in a GQ issue. Ballerini, a store in San Rafael (north of San Fransisco) is going out of buisness and all suits are 90% off. Doors close August 12th, but I don't know how their selection is now. If anyone's interested: Ballerini at 919 Fourth St. in San Rafael, CA. You can call them to see what they have: (415) 257-2696.

I archived the July entries, although there wasn't much. I edited the last entry in July, so if you get a chance, visit it again. It's more venting... but different subject.

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